helpless

I used to think I could be in the spotlight

I could be the only one everyone was looking at

I used to think I could pull off any move any time

I always felt like I was dancing on the moon and the world was watching

I used to think I would be good at anything over night

There was no reason for me to strive hard

It would take a breath and all the world would love me

But all that time I was dreaming not working

Could you tell me what it is I need?

Actually no, I know what I need

Tell me why I am doing nothing

No, I know why

Can you sense the problem? 

Can you hear my voice?

I want you to help me

Knowing what you want and doing nothing is more painful than ignorance

With a heart broken by those who shouldn't

Everything digs deeper even the meaningless

What brought me happiness and closure suddenly destroys me

Every corner I turn depicts a limitation

Everything around me looks like my enemy

The pen on the table suddenly looks like a knife

Images of it slitting my throat flash like lightning

Sealing my vocal cords with a scar

Do you feel my helplessness?

Am I making you think things?

I hope you are also seeing nightmares

I don't wanna be the only passenger of this plane

Let's crash together at least

Or are you a miracle worker and I can trust you

Could you turn my fears into strengths?

Tell me will I stop being helpless one day?

Ariane Dushime